Counting

If this was a fairytale, you and i could be counting the stars tonight outside.
If this was a movie, you and i could be having a vacation together right now.
If this was a storybook, you and i would be on a honeymoon together - happily married.

Somehow i feel like i'm catching my own dream, hoping it will be mine and everything is going to be a-ok. But eventually, it's always back to reality and i'll be all alone. Loneliness that would make me ending up having tears in my eyes. 

THIS SEMESTER BREAK IS SO FREAKING BORED.

When these trembling hands were meant ..

To have and to hold.
To be there when sickness and  happiness.
To take care in sick and wealth.

Words are stronger than affections. 

As I cuddle inside my blanket and suddenly my tears runs down my face - that is when i know that i'm  a girl who will just; hide away her happiness through her laughters. 
Once you knew my history, and told me that you would make a change, and those words were kept by me ever since. Yet something's in life would never change. And yes, there are reasons why things happen in life, and this is one of them. When i just wish, time would pause  so that I will have time. 

Guessing i'm just hurt.
Hurt inside, and I'm sorry.

Today, 12th April 2012

12th April 2012. Another cat had just passed away. Once there were 6 some of them, now there is only left 3. 

Mengmeng died due to a sickness. The yellow sickness. It got attacked by virus. It had in it for months now. Yet, mama didn't understood it. Until yesterday. They put him in a drip and the doctor said mengmeng won't be long. Papa told mama that mengmeng was already 6 years. And it may die sooner or later.

So, the doctor called mama today. This morning. And they told her, that Mengmeng was no longer with us. The last day that mengmeng had gone was without me. Last week, was the last week that i would see it. And the last time that i touched it and made him go outside was 2 weeks ago, which i gave it a lovable gesture by carrying him out. He had never ever squealed when i pick him up.

I really hate the fact that i just hate taking it's photo. I, myself didn't know why. But all i know was, Mengmeng was there when i wasn't feeling alright. He would be with me. 

And now, i'm shivering. Maybe the impact of it going away is even more harder than Robin Hood leaving us. I know it's only a cat. But i'm an only child, and i only had my cats to accompany me. 

R.I.P Mengmeng. We will always love you no matter what. Take care of yourself while you're in heaven. xoxo.

Loving the letter "S".

Hi. It's 1.15 am on a Wednesday morning. Supposedly to be sleeping but i can't. My eyes won't shut nor will my brain. I'm currently thinking. Thinking what i've done in my past and present. I've done so many wrong things. But i'm just a human being living in this chaotic world with people around us who will some care about you or does not even care about you - but liking the idea of having your presence around.


And writing my blog again. Because i've gained something that i have lost past these months. Which is the word L. 


I do like having the idea of having someone to company where ever i go and things. But somehow - it was hard for me to find it till the day i sat with you and had our Mc Donalds meal - told me that i was beautiful and just saw me beautiful the way i am. 


Having a guy like you it is very predictable. One hour we'll be fighting over crazy things. The next hour we'll laugh and joke around like nothing had actually had happen. That's right, you - you know who you are. I'm writing this post entry about you. I might be cocky and such. But hey - whatever. 


The fact; Before meeting you or even knowing you, i had no idea what does it feel like being in a deep relationship like this. Having each and every moment together. Does not care even it takes a 25o kilometers away from us - but all we know that we are around with each other. I might be crazy or telling you this but i easily fall in and out of love. But somehow it managed me to be the person i am today, when i'm in a relationship.


The reality; I just love the way you are. I could be start singing, but somehow this entry will go off limits. But - "When i think about stars, they shine. So do you, and also the love you've given me in these past 10 months". I am and feel very lucky to have you as mine - as deeply i can say. Fight - make up - fight - make up - fight - make up - fight - make up .. and it will never even stop. The strong bond we have in each other make us collide in each other arms even a big fight we have. 


You know how to make me feel better.
You don't have to try hard. Doing crazy things with you is actually something i've always been dreaming off having it with you. You should know from that start. 


Dates; Crazy dates. Going to the zoo with you. To the park we go. Eating sushi for the first time. Sleepover at my crib while ma and pa is around. Meeting up with the whole family. Having tea and lunch dates with ma and pa. Going to the Aquaria with you. These dates - i will always remember till the day i will catch my last breathe. But still there are some dates to go such in: doing manicure with you, going to the art gallery with you, to the bird park with you, butterfly park, or just a plain picnic at the park. 


And what i adore the most about you is; You fulfilling my dreams. 


I thought only my parents could fulfill my dreams in order that they had love me. But being appreciated by you, treated like a little princess - it's like i have another fairy just to fulfill my wish. 


Every step i take, every breathe i take - it's unpredictable just like you.


And that is what i love you the most, S. 
Or shall i say; Safwan Saiful? 

First Post of 2012.

Hello, how are you?
It's been 8 months i guess, i've been missing on my blog. And yes people, i'm still alive - no worries! 
Practically a lot happen throughout the year. 

Last year during my semester break, i went to Cairo, Egypt. And yes the sweetest thing was; I celebrated my month-anniversary with him through Skype. Say, 1250 miles away just can't tear us apart. Cairo was a new experience for me - the place, the people, and the culture too. 

I've already finished my 3rd semester. And as time flies, i'm going to enter my 4th semester in 3 weeks away. About my driving license, i'm continuing it. This semester break is for a month. 

We have a new member in our family - cat. It's name is Bonnie. Robin Hood (cat) has left us, papa accidently ran over him with the car on 21.11.2011. It has been 4 months ever since Robin has left us. And nothing much changed in the house.

And i'm still me :) !

xoxo