Hi, it's a comeback.

Hi.

This is really awkward. 

It has already been one year ever since i left the blogging system. But somehow, i just read my friend's blog and guessing i should start writing back. Not everyday and always, but sometimes - i mean seldom of course due to my final year and plenty a lot assignments in order to grad.

Well, through out the one year. What did you guys miss? Pretty much like yours too (i guess), people come and go, people change, people get skinny, people gain weight, people are happy, people are sad, situations are mixed up, and yet somehow a person could wake up to a new day and say "Everything is fine.. and i'm fine". 

Basically, right now i'm having my semester break. And i'm at home. My 3 weeks, so much of drama yet i could just crawl into my bed and forget about it tomorrow morning. I've been quite a brat ever since i'm home, as mama always gave me the "special" treatment; the only child treatment and papa always like to spoil me. So yeah, but somehow, i feel sorry for them at times.

So i made a few changes in life especially coming to my priorities. This year i'm 20. The next day i could wake up and be 21. This is where actually life begins. And this is how i'll try put it: A couple of months i'll be graduating from my Diploma in Architecture, the next step is (of course) is BSc. in Architecture, then my masters and so on. Yet i will try to find my "me-time", and have fun and learn to love -finding the right one at the same time. I maybe could be waking up tomorrow being someone's fiancee or even their wife, so let's prepare for a new beginning as it has already started. 

And sometimes i miss my childhood and also school. I mean it's not the same anymore, today's life is tougher and i sometimes could not even pass a  day without crying due to cruelty or even so. 

Hoping for a better tomorrow. 
xx      

"A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education" - George Bernard Shaw.

Counting

If this was a fairytale, you and i could be counting the stars tonight outside.
If this was a movie, you and i could be having a vacation together right now.
If this was a storybook, you and i would be on a honeymoon together - happily married.

Somehow i feel like i'm catching my own dream, hoping it will be mine and everything is going to be a-ok. But eventually, it's always back to reality and i'll be all alone. Loneliness that would make me ending up having tears in my eyes. 

THIS SEMESTER BREAK IS SO FREAKING BORED.

When these trembling hands were meant ..

To have and to hold.
To be there when sickness and  happiness.
To take care in sick and wealth.

Words are stronger than affections. 

As I cuddle inside my blanket and suddenly my tears runs down my face - that is when i know that i'm  a girl who will just; hide away her happiness through her laughters. 
Once you knew my history, and told me that you would make a change, and those words were kept by me ever since. Yet something's in life would never change. And yes, there are reasons why things happen in life, and this is one of them. When i just wish, time would pause  so that I will have time. 

Guessing i'm just hurt.
Hurt inside, and I'm sorry.

Today, 12th April 2012

12th April 2012. Another cat had just passed away. Once there were 6 some of them, now there is only left 3. 

Mengmeng died due to a sickness. The yellow sickness. It got attacked by virus. It had in it for months now. Yet, mama didn't understood it. Until yesterday. They put him in a drip and the doctor said mengmeng won't be long. Papa told mama that mengmeng was already 6 years. And it may die sooner or later.

So, the doctor called mama today. This morning. And they told her, that Mengmeng was no longer with us. The last day that mengmeng had gone was without me. Last week, was the last week that i would see it. And the last time that i touched it and made him go outside was 2 weeks ago, which i gave it a lovable gesture by carrying him out. He had never ever squealed when i pick him up.

I really hate the fact that i just hate taking it's photo. I, myself didn't know why. But all i know was, Mengmeng was there when i wasn't feeling alright. He would be with me. 

And now, i'm shivering. Maybe the impact of it going away is even more harder than Robin Hood leaving us. I know it's only a cat. But i'm an only child, and i only had my cats to accompany me. 

R.I.P Mengmeng. We will always love you no matter what. Take care of yourself while you're in heaven. xoxo.

Loving the letter "S".

Hi. It's 1.15 am on a Wednesday morning. Supposedly to be sleeping but i can't. My eyes won't shut nor will my brain. I'm currently thinking. Thinking what i've done in my past and present. I've done so many wrong things. But i'm just a human being living in this chaotic world with people around us who will some care about you or does not even care about you - but liking the idea of having your presence around.


And writing my blog again. Because i've gained something that i have lost past these months. Which is the word L. 


I do like having the idea of having someone to company where ever i go and things. But somehow - it was hard for me to find it till the day i sat with you and had our Mc Donalds meal - told me that i was beautiful and just saw me beautiful the way i am. 


Having a guy like you it is very predictable. One hour we'll be fighting over crazy things. The next hour we'll laugh and joke around like nothing had actually had happen. That's right, you - you know who you are. I'm writing this post entry about you. I might be cocky and such. But hey - whatever. 


The fact; Before meeting you or even knowing you, i had no idea what does it feel like being in a deep relationship like this. Having each and every moment together. Does not care even it takes a 25o kilometers away from us - but all we know that we are around with each other. I might be crazy or telling you this but i easily fall in and out of love. But somehow it managed me to be the person i am today, when i'm in a relationship.


The reality; I just love the way you are. I could be start singing, but somehow this entry will go off limits. But - "When i think about stars, they shine. So do you, and also the love you've given me in these past 10 months". I am and feel very lucky to have you as mine - as deeply i can say. Fight - make up - fight - make up - fight - make up - fight - make up .. and it will never even stop. The strong bond we have in each other make us collide in each other arms even a big fight we have. 


You know how to make me feel better.
You don't have to try hard. Doing crazy things with you is actually something i've always been dreaming off having it with you. You should know from that start. 


Dates; Crazy dates. Going to the zoo with you. To the park we go. Eating sushi for the first time. Sleepover at my crib while ma and pa is around. Meeting up with the whole family. Having tea and lunch dates with ma and pa. Going to the Aquaria with you. These dates - i will always remember till the day i will catch my last breathe. But still there are some dates to go such in: doing manicure with you, going to the art gallery with you, to the bird park with you, butterfly park, or just a plain picnic at the park. 


And what i adore the most about you is; You fulfilling my dreams. 


I thought only my parents could fulfill my dreams in order that they had love me. But being appreciated by you, treated like a little princess - it's like i have another fairy just to fulfill my wish. 


Every step i take, every breathe i take - it's unpredictable just like you.


And that is what i love you the most, S. 
Or shall i say; Safwan Saiful? 

First Post of 2012.

Hello, how are you?
It's been 8 months i guess, i've been missing on my blog. And yes people, i'm still alive - no worries! 
Practically a lot happen throughout the year. 

Last year during my semester break, i went to Cairo, Egypt. And yes the sweetest thing was; I celebrated my month-anniversary with him through Skype. Say, 1250 miles away just can't tear us apart. Cairo was a new experience for me - the place, the people, and the culture too. 

I've already finished my 3rd semester. And as time flies, i'm going to enter my 4th semester in 3 weeks away. About my driving license, i'm continuing it. This semester break is for a month. 

We have a new member in our family - cat. It's name is Bonnie. Robin Hood (cat) has left us, papa accidently ran over him with the car on 21.11.2011. It has been 4 months ever since Robin has left us. And nothing much changed in the house.

And i'm still me :) !

xoxo

Something about mothers

" I'm grateful to have you has my child, Naz. But you like to shop - buy new clothes, shoes, handbags non-stop." 

- Mama. 

Dear You, Yes You.

" Do you want to know a secret of mine? Before i go to bed i will always read your blog. And by every each post that posted that i know you're lonely, the little things you do - i know i'm the right guy for you. To take care of you, to love you like nobody will ever love you, and i know that i will always be by your side every single day." - S.

People say a lot of things about me of changing guys when i get the chance to do so. But do you want to know something? Sometimes, you can't predict of things that happen in life which includes love. Love is a passion of a someone towards an object and subject. And has to love, it comes naturally and unpredictable. Might so i've been in and out of love sometimes - which even my mama knows about this, she will only say "It's only puppy love", but as days pass and sometimes you do know which is guy right for you. 

I've been in a relationship with different types of guys. I've tasted the bitterness of having a boyfriend who will be there for you when he needs you but when you need him he doesn't even bother, the guy who used you just to get  someone jealous, the guy of so called puppy love and he was cute and so, the guy who will make you happy but instead you used him cause you were lonely and the guy who will actually easy fall for other people and dumped you the next day. Yes, i've been in this kind of these relationship. Might so, mama knows about this. 3 out of 5 guy , which mama knows about them. And the only thing she will say to me is, " Naz, in anything you do. Please do remember mama and papa - before you act to do something." 

27th June 2011 at 1.47 pm. 
That is our date.


It took me quite a while in having another relationship - but as time past and his effort to take me as his girl. I knew that he could make me happy and all. " I stalked you to get to know you", " The first time i laid my eyes on you - i wanted to know you more each and everyday". Those were the words that are still captured in my mind everytime and whenever i'm with him. One month with him and my mum and dad knows about him - he will try his best to make me smile when the clouds are grey. 


So who is he? (his name is directly up there -.-")
Whose the lucky guy?
Is he one of a kind?


Well, what i can you tell is that he is gentleman who knows how to cheer me up when i'm down. Do little surprises for me which makes me shrieks inside and smile the whole day. Make me laugh everyday on the phone, meeting him, having a sneak-out date and on Skype. And gives me butterflies every morning. And technically, he is the guy - who would do anything for you just to make you happy.


Dear you, yes you. You know that is post is directly for you and to you with a sealed heart and kisses from me to you.

Early in the morning, i think of you.

So hey , i know it's been awhile ever since i update my blogger. Let say it has been months or say weeks to be precise. Yes, just got back in college. It has been 2 weeks now - it's my 2nd semester in Diploma in Architecture. This morning, my first assignment in Basic Design 1 has been presented with the help Aleen. May people say that true love only come once - but for me i guess it came trice. My friends may say that i might be a player or any shitty thing just like that - but might so what happen in the past stay in the past and sometimes it might be each other problems and such things. And might so i can tell you i fall in love quite a lot - but i guess this one is the true one. Yes i know i've been telling you guys each and ever guy i dated - he's the one. But right now, i know he is the one. Even each every day he tells me his  flaws and all, but i accept him the way he is. So no worries, my dear boyfriend - I love you in every kind of way.

Your Loco Head.

Hi and Hello. Yes i know it's been awhile i didn't update my blog - and you guys have must been thinking where i have been and everything. Well things were a mayhem - and i just couldn't find the time to update it. And yes , a lot of things had changed actually. About me and life.  Where should i start ? 


Well i'm single (?) Now that's surprising shall i say ? And yes it is true. I'm having my semester break right now - and left one more week for me to enjoy it before heading back to college on the 26th. About my license - i'm still a L . And don't ask me why. Mama's in Kuala Lumpur she has a course there right now and this week would be the last. I'm doing the chores at home - and it's freaking exhausted. I went to Bandung with papa and yes it was shopping heaven (Y). And the fun part was " Take whatever you like , Naz. " , said papa. Is that fun or what ? 

And i do think i'm changing and i think i'm the type of girl who doesn't open up easily nowadays. Now where happen to the girl i use to know ? 


xoxo.

" 101 things i learned in Architecture School "

#101 - Architects are late bloomers. 

Most architects do not their professional stride until around age 50 !
    There is perhaps no other profession that requires one to integrate such a broad range of knowledge into something so specific and concrete. An architect must be knowledgeable in history, art , sociology , physics , psychology , materiality , symbology, political process , and innumerable other fields, and must create a building that meets regulatory codes, keep out the weather , withstand earthquakes, has functioning elevators and mechanical systems , and meets the complex functional and emotional needs of its users. Learning to integreate so many concerns into a cohesive product takes a long time, with lots of trial and error along the way.

If you're going to be in field of architecture, be in it for the long haul. It's worth it.

Rewind and Play

It's 9.01 pm , Malaysia time and i think i have to make a confession here. 
First is i miss home.
Second is i want to pursue my studies in music. 

Third is about my status relationship. So all of you know that  i have a new guy in my life. So people have been talking about it , for the first week that we've been dating and everything. And now it's been a month already and it's counting days and night and each day of it , we - me and him we cherish it every moment of it. With him  i'm special. With him i can forget the past that i had . The memories that me and my ex captured , i forgot every bit of it. Wanting to start a new book in my relationship , and it did. Thanks for the help of him. 


So here goes. The first man , that mama and papa seem to be cool with it. The first man , that can make me smile every single day with his cute , lovey dovey messages.  The first man , that i know that he will always be there. The first man , that i know he will listen to all my problems and just laugh at me after listening to it - which is kinda weird but cute. The first man, that flirted with me by asking me to hear a song - which my friend did interpretation part by saying " Saff , he likes you lah " ., and by then i was giddy inside. The first man , that always make me laugh even it's been a month but i know that he will make me laugh forever. And the first man , that i know that he wants a true relationship - which i want in a guy after all this time and it's not me whose doing the job but me AND him , together.  Shall we stay for infinity together , my man ? Well i think we should as we need each other in our lives. Fendy.

Sincerely , your truly only girl ,
Your Girlfriend ♥
 

For the broken hearts out there

Hi and it's 10.28 am , Malaysia time. I think this makes it my fifth post posting it early in the morning. I won't point fingers on this post but all i know is every break up there's a reason. And i talk with my own experience being in love and in the end of the road we made our own pathway in the end. So it's a normal thing , when it comes to relationships. That one day - we fall in love and later die of love. Then there's the part where the girl tries to fix everything but the guy does care less about the relationship. Later, there's the part where the girl cries in the dark while the guy goes out with his buddies and have fun. 

Later than that , the girl doesn't care less but then the guy comes and care about it. Frustrated don't you think ? First it was the girl , but the guy doesn't even give a damn. Later the girl don't give a damn , but the guy comes crawling back. Sometimes guys do acts like jerk which is such a bummer. Every relationship that i had, it gave me a lesson to be learn. Don't easy fall for guys. Not every guy is the same. Every guy has their own ways. Without parents acceptation , the relationship won't work - i still believe in these things. A guy will make the best to keep you smile , and make you sad in the end. And every break up there is a reason. Might so , you will find a better man than  him. Well i did :') 

As i talk based on my past relationship - i was in love with a guy. A guy who i thought who can make me happy. But in the end , he broke my heart into pieces with his attitude. He was a jerk. When i wanted things to be over , the he comes crawling back. Then he does the same thing over and all over again. There ? Told you he was jerk. He acts like a jerk , when he's with his friends. He could act like a jerk when i have a problem. That was the most hardest part i had with him. Who is he ? Shall i say , it's a secret to be kept. 

Whenever i'm in love , it's the part where i let the guy does all the stuff. The flirting and everything. We may be friends for a few weeks and later we could be in a relationship. People say , i change guys to easily. Then there's the part where we come in and say " It's only the matter of time and fate. We might be made for each other. So why don't you grab the chance and be with him ? ". 

Sometimes , people may judge you differently. 

x.

When sometimes it's complicated

Hi , it's 9.58 pm - Malaysia time and mummy is getting mad at me because of going out to often while i'm in college. The matter is i'm not okay about it is because i told her about it at the first place and she took it easy , and the next thing you know it - she's mad like a bull. I might be very rude but it's the truth. Now mummy wants me to be back in Ipoh. Only God knows how pissed i am. It's not that i didn't tell her but i do tell her every single thing i do. Who i'm going out with and everything. 


I just got back from a fun with time with my college mates. We went all the way to Sunway - which i told mummy earlier at the first place - and later she got pissed ! And i'm being emo with the boyfriend :B


xx

When it's about time.

hi and it's 11.20 pm , Malaysia time. It's been awhile i didn't update my blog. The reason why is cause i was busy with college life. When you have everyday occupied except for Thursday , Saturday and Sunday. Even if I have 2 subjects literally , by night i'm free but i still did not even touch my blog. And the simple reason is and was - Lazy. Lazy. Lazy. I was just playing to LAZY.

I think it's about time i tell you the person who stole my heart which we use to be strangers during our high school days. During my high school days , we were strangers and i didn't knew him at all but i knew i had a crush on him. And as days past , i knew it will be possible for me to have him. So from that moment, i just put the hopes behind the walls that occupied all of my crushes that i know that i couldn't get. And has fate bought us together this year. We became closer even through via cyber. I was technically in Ipoh while he was in Shah Alam. But that didn't matter at all. It's been weeks now , we've been seeing each other and getting to know each other better. And i know that everyday , everynight , every single moment minute or time when i'm with him - he makes me head over heels. I'll be all giddy inside and i know that he will make me smile even times are rough. XX. Whatever lies between us , let me and him only know. 

x.

 

Eventually, you grow up.

It's 7.30 pm , Malaysia time and it's been awhile since i ever updated my blog. Anything new in life ? Well LOADS. Currently , i'm in college - Kuala Lumpur Infrastructure University College (KLiUC) taking up Diploma in Architecture. Classes begins tomorrow at 2pm and well for the first sem. i only have 2 subjects which is technical drawing I and graphic communication. And i'm thinking i'm having home sickness and i miss my mum so much. My auntie had died in Mekah , i just got the news this morning from mama - Al Fatihah. I've made new friends here and they're extremely friendly and yet i miss my friends back Ipoh and my bed ! 

x.

You could never predict.

So it's been 2 weeks now  , like whatever. It's 1.28 pm , Malaysia time and i'm over with Najib. You guys MUST be surprised , don't you ? Well i have my own reason why i broke off with him on the first place. Sometimes i just couldn't predict what's going on with me sometimes - JUST CAN'T. Sometimes i turn out to be a big bitch next i'm the big angel. But i'm FINE , alright ? so whose the next boy of mine ? Well see it in my Facebook account ;) And plus we've couple recently 2 days , including today.

And don't you think , it's annoying that you have a person - monitoring you for 24/7 hours ,

The Emotional Side of Me.

Once you had dream , a dream to be anything that you want. Either a rockstar or a princess - you have a dream. And now the dream of your dream is about to happen. I'm 18 this year , getting my driving license done and soon i'll be driving my car. Going to of college. College. The first word that pops in my mind when a person says  " College " is homesick. That's right. 


On Monday , i was getting ready and all of a sudden my mum took my comb and she brushed my hair. I felt like a 5 year old again. I miss the moments when i was a toddler. Everything seem sweet. No problems were around me. The only thing i knew was waking up in the morning , going out with my mum and the next thing I knew it i will get a teddy bear from her and a kiss from my dad.  


But now , i'm a teenager . I rarely tell my secrets to my parents. As my mum think that when i tell her my secrets , she will act cool in her way but for me it's not cool. Though , i really appreciate her to act cool with it. But i know i have my limits. Cause people said to her , " to be close to your child whose growing up , you should make her your friend. Your best friend " , though it's true . But sometimes , it's just annoying. My dad is cool , when i talk with him , he just keep quiet and listen and the next thing i know it - he will make fun of me. Yeah , that's my parents. I'm the only child , so whatever happens - it's between me and just my parents no one else .


I'm going of to college soon. And i'm having this thoughts of what's going to happen at home and everything. And i'm thinking the first thing that will approach me is " HOMESICKNESS".


x.

Cranky double it.

It's 8.58 pm , Malaysia time and my clock is running fast - i have approximately about 2 weeks before i leave for college and pursuing my studies in Architecture. That's right folks i'm leaving soon. OMGosh , it felt like yesterday i still had mama to send me to school and salam my dad in the morning before i leave school. There you go - time runs fast these days. And that's what the scientist also says. 

And about my SPM results , it was quite delighting to see. And except the fact that i got A and A- for my English studies - typical normal for me. While a BM i got a B :( How devastated i felt on that day , and ever wondered how i went on that day  ? Well let me say, I didn't cry that day but i nearly did. But my mind was set , that i'm going to feel calm and good about the results - and it was accomplish :)

And about today , i went to KLiUC open day and yes , my parents are confirming about sending me there and i felt a little bit sad 'cause this is my first time i'm going to leave home for real. Oh well. Papa just bought me a MacBook Pro :) and YES I FEEL HAPPY  :') *it's a preparation before entering college - FYI.

x.

When everything seem to be out of place

It's 9.47 pm , Malaysia time and for a 17 year ++ old girl , i should be worrying about one thing which is my SPM results. Even you see me happy and having fun at times but i hide the worrying behind my face. People say i have slimmed down and my mother responds " She's worried about her results " . And this is true to tell you , to be exact. Today is 20th March , on Wednesday is 23rd March. On that day , it's either i have a happy face or a sad face or just a plain face. And the exact words that i will hear from my parents are - it's either they will get upset or be proud. Which it's bring me stress when i think about it even it takes a sec. 


So i've made up my mind today. I'm gonna take it easy. I'm not going to stress myself cause what have been done is done. You can't take it back unless you have a time machine which that can take me back in November/December of 2010. Just hope that everything is going to be fine. And i pray that what i've done on my paper last year made an effort. It took me ages to understand chemistry. It took me months to understand waves in physics and electroincs. It took me days to understand the meaning of the act of catalyst in an experiment. And it took me FOREVER to understand the concept of add maths. Wish me all the best.


x.